The ancient saying "Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse" isn't on as many signs in as many kitchens as "Live, Laugh, Love". But it dates back from when time began, or at least as far as the TV show Eerie Indiana in 1991.
It's a commandment I've always tried to follow but the pictures taken of me by Daily Express photographer Jonathan Buckmaster recently show just how much I've failed.
Almost bursting out of my shirt like a sausage making a bid for freedom and casting aside the shackles of its skin, I know my cancer years haven't been kind to me.
Extreme fatigue and my massive hernia have meant I haven't kept up the running I did before I was diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer and a lot of the time I take the lift instead of the stairs.
And, with scan results from this week revealing that part of my left lung is dead and there's a blood circulation in one of my kidneys, I'm wondering how long I've got left to live.
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How many years more will I be alive on this planet? The stats suggest I've only got an 11% chance of lasting longer than five years after diagnosis, and that was two years ago.
I know that whenever my time comes I won't be happy with my weight so I'd like this piece of writing to be seen as a letter of apology.
It's an apology to the pall bearers who are going to have to shoulder the burden of my weight as they lift my coffin, and wish that the handles were actually functional.
I'm sorry that they were booked on to carry my box and they didn't phone in sick after realising just how heavy I was.
I'm sorry that I didn't manage to lose as much weight as I wanted to before popping my clogs.
But, until that day comes, I'm going to try my best.
I'd like to lose at least two stone by next March but have always been rubbish at exercising without it being training for some kind of race or event.
A friend of mine has started training for next year's London Marathon but sadly my hernia means running isn't an option for me. Instead I'm hoping to complete a coastal path fundraising walk for Devon Air Ambulance next spring.
One day I'll explain why I've chosen that charity rather than a cancer one but for now I need your help.
Apart from reminding me about the TV show Eerie Indiana, having cancer has been an absolutely awful experience.
It's the worst thing that most people will go through in their lifetime and yet mental health support is quite often lacklustre at best, and non-existent at worst.
I'm leading the Daily Express’s Cancer Care campaign because I know just how important it is for cancer patients to have help with any emotional and mental issues they are going through both during and after treatment.
Mental health issues are the biggest side-effect of cancer but they are often ignored by medical teams because they can't be detected by blood tests and plotted in a graph.
If you sign our petition you're helping us send a message to the Government and the NHS that mental health support is vital. And, most importantly, you'll be helping the hundreds of thousands of people who are diagnosed with cancer each year.
