A mum has told how her 12-week baby was killed by his own dad - who then took his own life, robbing her of justice forever. Baby Hudson Bibby was found unresponsive by family members in his father, Carl Bibby's, house. The newborn had been dropped off by his trusting mum, Rachel Surtees, 33, just 14 hours earlier for the second stay with his dad in two weeks.

But just as nurse Rachel was getting ready to collect Hudson, police arrived at her door and broke the heartbreaking news. Devastated Rachel from Newcastle was forced to visit the mortuary to identify her precious boy. An inquest ruled he died from blunt head trauma, and he was unlawfully killed at the hands of his father.

And Rachel says police have told her "if Carl did not not end his life, he would have been charged with Hudson's murder".

Robbed of justice, she said the grief has "completely changed me". She has since given birth to daughter Georgie, now one, but says watching Georgie grow is "bittersweet", as she has struggled to see her hit milestones Hudson never got the chance to experience.

Rachel said: "I haven't got any closure. I'm definitely not the person I was before he died. The first three months was the hardest with Georgie, he never got round to being 3 months. Trusting people with Georgie was so hard. Leaving overnight, it's horrific.

"You lose trust in the world, really, just in life. I used to be a glass half full, an optimistic person with life - now I'm glass half empty. I'm always looking at what's going to go wrong next. We won't ever know what went on due to Carl committing suicide," she said.

"However what I can say, the words from Northumbria police were; if Carl did not not end his life, he would have been charged with Hudson's murder. The murder of his own son, his own flesh and blood.

"Hudson was a person, he is my child, my beautiful little boy and I won't ever stay silent or protect a man who murdered my son. He didn't only kill Hudson, he killed a part of me. My heart is forever broken. A piece will always be missing. The physical pain my heart feels is indescribable.

"I suffer from PTSD, I have nightmares nearly every night, I have health anxiety, anxiety something's going to happen to my children, and I have visions of horrible things happening.

"He's robbed me of so much and my son deserves as much justice as he can get. Hudson knew nothing but love from me and my family and friends. We loved Hudson.

"He looked at me with the look of love and I'll never ever forget his beautiful little face. His story deserves to be told. I won't protect a man who chose not to protect his own child. He murdered my beautiful little boy. He's robbed Hudson of his life, me of my son, and my children seeing him grow up. And I hope he rots in hell."

Rachel and Carl, a scaffolder, met on a dating site in April 2022 and "just hit it off", said Rachel who has sons, 15 and six.

She said he "didn't want any more kids" and was surprised when she found out they were pregnant just eight weeks later.

"I went in for a scan at the start of July to check the baby was in the right place," she said.

"When I heard the heartbeat, I knew I was going to keep him.

"Throughout the pregnancy, Carl didn't want to know - it was more shock than anything else, I think."

They broke up four weeks after she found out she was pregnant and contact was intermittent.

"Throughout the pregnancy I was blocked on everything and couldn't get in contact," she said.

She gave birth at 37 weeks on February 4 2023.

After they registered the birth together at two and a half weeks, Carl had Hudson alone for the first time, for a few hours.

While Rachel grew worried that Carl wasn't communicating, she didn't ever imagine he'd hurt their son.

But tragedy struck during his fifth overnight with Hudson, on April 28.

The next day, Rachel was getting ready to collect Hudson when the police arrived at her door and said Hudson was found unresponsive in Carl's flat and was dead, and that Carl had died after taking his own life.

In August 2024, forensic reports determined Hudson had suffered severe shaken baby syndrome causing retinal bleeding, spinal cord and brain bleeds, and was then thrown onto a surface, killing him instantly.

In November 2024, Georgina Noland, H.M Senior Coroner for Newcastle and North Tyneside Coroners concluded Hudson's medical cause of death was blunt head trauma and he was unlawfully killed at the hands of Carl Bibby.

Carl had left the property in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, Northumbria at midnight, and he was found dead near a bridge.

"You don't ever foresee yourself identifying your dead child's body," said Rachel.

"When Georgie, my one-year-old little girl, was newborn, I didn't want to buy things for after three months because I was so scared she wouldn't last that long.

"I've had anxiety and PTSD. Soon after he died I could have gone down the self destructive route but I didn't - I didn't drink and I started doing cold water therapy. I've seen a grief counsellor. I'm in therapy.

"90% of the online response on my Instagram and TikTok pages, where I post about Hudson and my experience with grief, is positive and I have thick skin.

"But I get a lot of, 'why would you leave your baby', 'what kind of mother leaves their newborn child with their father' - and I'm like, 'a good one'.

"We're both parents. We're both on the birth certificate. I still feel guilty because I took him to Carl's, but I'm not to blame.

"I get people approaching us who have lost children in similar ways. I tell people, 'don't go down the self destructive route, don't cut yourself off from people, talk about it'.

"I know I'm not going to get over Hudson. I'll be forever grieving him. So now I have to live with the grief."